V is for Victory . . . after a few failures

I know how to start off my Spring Break with a bang. . . by . . . baking. Okay, so I'm not as big of a partier as I used to be, but I still had a blast checking off an item from my list.

I've been wanting to make pretzels forever (mainly because the recipe gives me permission to play with my food), but have been scared to. Any bread that I have to boil makes me uncomfortable. But I am proud to say ladies and gentlemen, that this past Friday (insert drum roll here) I made homemade pretzels from scratch:Now, here's how I got to these beauties. I don't just trust anyone when it comes to boiled bread recipes. Nope. I wanted someone who understands the science behind it all; so I went to the recipe of good ol' trusty Alton Brown.

First, you put the water, sugar, and salt in a mixing bowl.
Add one packet of dry yeast (don't mix it, just shake it on the top).
Then wait for the yeast to "bloom." You'll know you've waited long enough when it gets all foamy (then you can take an awful picture of it).

Add the flour and mix with a dough hook for about five to eight minutes (until dough has pulled away from the bowl). Next, add oil to your bowl, and rub it all over the dough and on the sides of the bowl.

Cover with either plastic wrap or a towel and put it somewhere warm. I turn my oven on to 350 degrees for a minute, then immediately turn it off. This heats the oven just enough to make the dough rise well, but not cook at all. Let the dough rise for about an hour, or until it has doubled in size.

I decided to marinate brats in beer during this time.
Just poke a few holes in your brats, pour some beer over them, and let them marinate for a looooong time. Mine sat for four hours before I grilled them (and they were DE-LI-CIOUS). Now, back to the pretzels:
Get a pot of water going and add your baking soda. Bring this mixture to a boil.

While you're waiting for the water to boil, cut your dough into eight pieces.
Roll them out. Don't be shy about making the dough really thin, it will double in size once you put it in the boiling water.
Then twist the pretzels into a lovely shape.
But not like this one, a.k.a. epic fail number one. I'm not sure what this is, but it sure isn't a pretzel. . . more like a clover? Hey, it WAS the weekend before St. Patty's Day. After this pretzel, I had Will show me how to twist pretzels properly. Now, you may be thinking, how does Will know how to twist pretzels? The sad, awful truth is that he's a fatty at heart. He's watched the employees at Pretzel Time twist so many pretzels, that he has it down pat. When I asked for help, he simply walked over, got a piece of dough and twisted it into the most perfect pretzel I've ever seen. Then he walked away in a what?-doesn't-EVERYONE-know-how-to-twist-pretzels-like fashion.

So I gave it a shot. First, you take the dough and form a "u" shape. Then, you take the top two pieces of the "u," twist them around each other two times, and attach them to the bottom center of the "u." And that, my friends, is how you get the perfect pretzel, Will Spence style. Make sure you pinch the dough together firmly, otherwise it will come apart when you put it in the water. Which brings me to the next step.
Place the Billy pretzel into the boiling water and let it cook for 30 seconds.
Take it out (or get a trusty side kick to do it for you) and put it on a baking sheet. But make sure to put it on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper THAT HAS BEEN OILED. I didn't do this, which resulted in a major disappointment when the pretzels came out of the oven, but couldn't be pulled off the paper: epic fail #2.
Once your pretzels are on the paper, brush them with an egg yolk and water mixture, then sprinkle whatever seasonings your heart can think up on top. I did three: tried-but-true sea salt, sea salt and garlic, and cinnamon and sugar.

Put them in the oven for about ten minutes, then get ready to nom (or, if you're like me, spend the next 30 minutes peeling off the paper from the back of your pretzels . . . then nom). Toss in a freshly grilled beer brat, and some nachos with cheese, black beans, and pico de gallo and you've got yourself a winning meal.

I consider it a victory. Pretzels . . . check.